I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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