Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
