Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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