He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
