I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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