its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
