please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Randomize
