So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
