i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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