Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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