STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Randomize
