I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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