he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Sober January is a disaster.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
