I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
