I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
