No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
