Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
