I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
