Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
