It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
