just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
