So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Be still, my beating vagina.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
