great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Randomize
