He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
