Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
