I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
