The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
