If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
