one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
