Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
