I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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