I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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