we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
