I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
