If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
