I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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