lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
