There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
