Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
