does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Randomize
