I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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