All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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