i'm signing you up for texting rehab
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
