Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
