i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
