Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
