Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
