p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
