Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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