i think my tv is drunk
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
