Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
