I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
