i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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