the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
