Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
