just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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