Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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