She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
nutella sex= disaster
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You are the jesus of drinking
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
